Don’t drink and go to Amazon

So, some explanation is in order. I was out with a friend drinking on Friday night after a week at the legal grind, and we got a little farther gone than usual. I ended up getting home late and then drinking a lot of seltzer straight out of the bottle as I am wont to do when I’m in that state before passing out for good. The weekend proceeded normally. Monday morning I returned to work, and what should I have found when I returned home but a box from Amazon.

The problem: I wasn’t expecting a box from Amazon.

Yes, I ordered and paid for this Aigis (or Aegis, as she’s called here) figure in the “Parfom” line I bought through Amazon Prime on my phone that night, a fact that only came to my attention after I checked my order history on Amazon. I dropped $70 on it.

The Latin phrase In vino veritas, or “In wine, truth”, is a popular one. I tell outrageous and unbelievable lies about myself when I drink too much, so maybe it doesn’t apply to me in a certain sense. In a deeper and more profound sense, however, the saying is definitely true for me. I wanted to buy this figure of my robotic waifu from Persona 3, and I only had the nerve to do so when I was wasted.  Because fuck the electric bill.

The back of the box is interesting.  Mostly in Japanese, which makes sense – one of the few bits of English printed on it states that this product may only be sold in Japan, which… I don’t live in Japan, so I guess they aren’t enforcing this rule too closely.  Then again, it is in “like new” condition, so it must have been resold.  At any rate, Aigis had already made her way to the US when I ordered this, because it shipped over the weekend with Prime.  I won’t worry about it, though, because according to the box:

Now that’s some prime Engrish.  Will I receive a happiest moment, however?  We’ll see.  This figure was made by a manufacturer called Phat! in conjunction with Good Smile Company, the latter of which also makes the high-quality Nendoroid line of figures (a.k.a. those far far superior versions of Funko Pops that are also a lot more expensive) so I think I probably will.

Before we take Aigis out of the box, there’s one more piece of English text to examine here.

At first, I misread this warning and got sad and slightly ashamed of myself.  But then I noticed that there’s a period between “toy” and “for”.  You’ll see it if you squint.  See, Mom?  It’s not a toy, and it’s not for kids.  The box says so.  Just… just leave me alone!

After some struggling to get her to attach to the stand, here she is, looking ready for action.  This Aigis figure is sort of an intermediate design between the realistically proportioned Figma figures and the super-deformed Nendoroids.  Just like a lot of those figures, this one is extremely posable and comes with different faces and various hand attachments.  Aigis being a weaponized android, she has both regular hands and gun-finger hands, and also cannon, giant fist and rifle attachments for her right arm that I can’t figure out how to get on yet without breaking her arm clean off.  Let’s try changing out her facial expression, at least.

Is it a terrifying abomination from one of your nightmares?  No, it’s just Aigis without her face.  I wonder if she can canonically take her face off like this.  Nice trick to play on the SEES crew, though she might scare the dog.

That’s better.  Her other expression is a pretty cool-looking pissed off, but I like this one best.  Aigis is hanging out on my desk in this form now, keeping watch.

So, I guess the point of this post is to not log onto Amazon when you’re drinking.  Except I’m not really unhappy with the result of my boozed up Amazon misadventure because I actually really like this figure.  I do like Nendoroids a lot – the only two other figures I own are Nendoroids – and this is sort of a larger, differently-apportioned version of that sort of figure.  And I couldn’t ask for a better gift from my inebriated self than a figure of Aigis, even if that lousy fucker did spend $70 on it that I should probably have spent elsewhere.  Like on food.  It’s a myth that all lawyers are rich.  Good God do I wish it were not a myth, but it is.

2 thoughts on “Don’t drink and go to Amazon

  1. Haha, I misread that age line too. She is cute so, aside from the price, I wouldn’t feel bad about buying her whilst intoxicated. I have done far sillier things whilst drunk.

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