SimCity 2000, Part III: My Little Mutant Pony

The mayor of Hell wakes up again almost two years later with a horrible hangover.  He discovers that in his absence, his staffers have approved a lot of extra construction.  The dusty canyon that the city began in is now full, and houses and apartment buildings are being erected on the hills above it.  The new zones are being occupied, but funds are running dangerously low.

7d

Meanwhile, the traffic has become truly miserable.  A bird’s-eye view of the city shows a multitude of little blue dots crawling along the streets.

7e

The water system is marginally more effective than it was when it was first built, but it’s only supplying the industrial sector.  The commercial and residential areas of the city are still forced to cope without running water, as if they were living in a medieval city.

Despite all this, there is good news – the city is finally about to achieve positive cash flow.

7f

Hooray!  The mayor holds an office party to celebrate.  During the festivities, he passes out again, this time on top of his desk.  His staffers move the party to the break room.

8

Several months later, Hell reaches a truly momentous milestone – a population of over 10,000.  The Hell Courier (now simply “The Courier” for some reason) reports that Hell’s commercial and industrial elite are donating a City Hall to be built wherever the mayor desires, once he wakes up from his nap again.  Things have truly taken a turn for the better.

However, not everything is well.  Along with Hell’s new growth has come a sharp rise in pollution.  In fact, the Courier’s pages are largely dedicated to the complaints by Hell’s citizens about its god-awful environment.  One family, in fact, suffered a terrible tragedy as a result of Hell’s rampant pollution: a double-jawed pony.

sc2000 mutant pony story

Who will save us from all this pollution?  The mayor can’t get voted out or sued, so… nobody.  Sorry, citizens!1

Actually, this 10,000 population marker is a good time to look at all of the crazy charts and graphs that SimCity 2000 has to offer.

sc2000 charts and graphs

Most of these windows aren’t that important in the early stages of a round of SimCity.  They essentially boil down to crime and pollution and stupid and illness = bad, education and police and health and clean air = good – some of the extra details like unemployment and specific industrial and commercial tax rates will only be relevant later on.  The population window for SimNation is always useful for seeing how badly we’re whipping the other cities’ asses in size, though.

8f

The most useful window by far is the City Map.  This shows a ton of city statistics in detail that can be projected onto the main window.  In this section, we can see the city’s crime rates by zone.

8h

We can also view individual buildings to find more information about them.  This factory is both heavily polluted and highly criminal.

8g

Meanwhile, the poor bastards living in these houses right next to the coal plant are breathing in air filled with pure coal dust particles.  Medium crime is the least of their worries.

sc2000 crime church

Even the first church in town (First Church of Hell) experiences crime.  Maybe thieves pickpocket parishioners during services or steal sanctified wine or holy water from the church cellars.

9

The city begins to spill over the rim of the canyon.  But what’s this?  Some of the new houses built don’t have power.  That’s no good.  People will move into houses without water, but they won’t move into houses without power.

9a

Turns out the coal plant we built ten years ago is running almost at capacity.  It’s time to generate more power.  But we can’t afford another dirty-ass coal plant.

What are the other options?  At this point, if we want to continue growing the city’s population, we should place some waterfalls and build dams on them.

9c

Sixty extra megawatts!  That will tide us over.  For a little while.

9e

At a population of 12,000, Hell is finally making its place on the map!  It’s probably the county seat of this depressing middle-of-nowhere desert county where nobody except for the most desperate and marginalized of society want to live.  It’s also filled with crime and pollution.  Will Hell ever be a nice place to live?  Will it be able to pay off its damn bonds someday?  Will its ponies at least stop growing extra jaws?


1 In real life, sovereign immunity (basically a shield protecting the city/county/state/federal government from a civil lawsuit) exists, but it’s limited in various ways, and under certain circumstances citizens can sue their government, at least in the US.  In SimCity, sovereign immunity is absolute – so feel free to do whatever you want!

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